Mental Breakdown Fixup Sushi Masterminding Enlightenment
Realizing I’ve further complicated an ongoing health situation by isolating myself. This began in some corporate-brand-covering assumption that my employer was preparing some type of media statements, following a blatant disregard for private health data. Sadly, this wasn’t the case at all and I’d met endless onslaught of retaliatory mental and emotional abuse when attempting to right those wrongs took a beating to doctor’s mandated leave. Finally, feeling angry, humiliated, exhausted and confused, my soul barely beginning to crawl out from the funk, an opportunity for sushi presented itself.
Following a few planning tweets, had a great meal tonight with my friend and fellow social media visionary, Mr. John Garvens. Dining at the sushi para located in a strip mall by Dundee and 53 in Palatine, Illinois, we’d last met and brainstormed about some cool ideas he had for propeling his social skills with business, something I can definitely relate with. It’s motivating to see people develop their talents and confident this guy can do some great things he’s not even aware of yet.
This evening, behind plates of raw fish, I was most definitely the student.
Weirdly, John had once reached out to me during a particularly over-focused time (BTW with or without drugs, my mind definitely cycles through phases of awesomeness in different areas – perhaps everyone’s does, and I know it’s key to capture these talents during their peaks). Generally, when in an intense mind focus, I’ll lose verbal skills to some extent; more like to think about how to talk deafens the screaming brilliance being shown to me – enough of my internal psyche for now – but while creating some cool groundwork, he’d kept up with an unusually robust stream of information and links. Perhaps an unconscious unknown mental test of sorts, for me it was more about staying in focused flow. Realization was I was about to meet up with someone who’s seen the good sides of my mental magic and now is meeting me while I’m less than awesome. This really intimidated me. I could keep my mouth shut and nobody would know how off I was or maybe nobody would even notice, either way, thinking this way is defeating itself by itself, why be self-doubting and humiliated when disconnecting has created further self-defeating problems all its own.
My mind is my most precious gift. I’m a lousy athelete. I don’t even know the rules to most sports to be honest and haven’t even participated in much any outside of martial arts. Somehow through at least 3/4 of my life, its been a grounding for me physically and emotionally. Hell, any fitness is. I’m now off game mentally, physically, spiritually and definitely emotionally. Not my best … but then again, I’m really fucking awesome on a normal day so maybe … Yeah definitely, I’m still a hell of a lot better than average I’m sure and fuck it – I’m hungry and there’s sushi waiting!
Weirdly my ADD so turned up it seems to have stolen my wallet, but found some cash and keys and made my run for the land of endless delicious hand rolled greatness. John’s ADD must have allowed him to be there before me. The menus offer endless opportunities for exotic delicacies in endless proportion. I started with some miso and suno mono with a hot green tea, with a couple dozen rolls. Oh. Yeah.
Sharing a great deal of things which previously, I’d feared even thinking … seriously – I’ve been in a weird mental self-denial even – as the idea of any type of mental strain freaked me out to the point of self-cycling madness… but then… wait – a muscle can strain and it can be better with gentle therapy and healing, so maybe a mind can too. Would people ever think of me the same? Who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares – seriously. I know we’re all supposed to be in some fucking weird botox nation of superficiality but I’ve had enough. I’m human. I’m awesome and I’ve got room to be better. Right now, falling towards the latter its good and weird to share.
My biggest ask of John was if its OK for me to talk about my issues publicly, but even saying that I found myself backfilling with ‘hell, any brand can be rebuilt within a few weeks a few dozen tweets’ as delivering my questions. Just laughing about this itself, I feel a little more human. Realizing there’s more potential for good connections, kindness and healing than risks of reputation or perception damage. And you know what, I’ve been myself before – it’s how I grew a following on Twitter, by being so brutally honest with myself and learning with others. Learning to hone one voice vs merged collective has opened me to rare chances before and now it will again. So many good ideas, I’m more eager to act on immediately vs. discussing further.
So here we are, a couple of masterminding foodies, who almost automatically creatively brainstorm business marketing insights at points of perspective and opportunity. From this deliciously filling meal begins the next chapter towards wellness, success and achievement for each of us. The best part is I know that any skills gained and new insights learned will always help the collective consciousness as, well that’s just how we roll. So, stay tuned here and I’m sure on John’s blog as well for cool knowledge, perspectives and random brain farts.
For Darren, sharing anything about being unwell wasn’t easy and was really a first. Conditioned from weirdness I’ll be working through, the best things I’ve done so far to begin rebuilding my health have been – eating, talking, walking, tweeting, blogging and guitar playing. I tweet, therefore I am. - DWILLY
For John, awesome chances for greatness are just beginning to unfold. Like myself, he’s pushing through his own confidence barriers in a sea of naysayers and confused doubters. That’s the challenge for all brilliant minds with an idea – ACT. Definitely recognize several of his goals, frustrations and awareness of potential. Very excited and looking forward to seeing chapters unfold.
Until we ourselves own our ideas, feelings, thoughts and notions, they’re just a brain fart. Really. Who really wants to be the “I thought of that”
loser disadvantaged soul when you can grab life by the horns leaving non riskers in the rearview dust.
Moving my body when the mind wasn’t working too good actually helped – even my endless digressive walking around bumping around into whatever to the point of 10+ miles/daily really began getting blood flowing. It’s not something new for me, it was a reminder. Now that stumbling around has equated into miles, time to push a little bit further. Today will be some more stretching and tomorrow figure out even a basic physical rebuilding plan and know I think what I should do.
I’m looking forward to having sushi again – that stuff is amazing. What the hell have I even eaten in the past month since barely leaving home? Not much except soy milk and amazing grass BTW Amazing Grass if you’re reading this – I doubt it. You suck on social media and your previous engagement with me made me get every other brand and many were good but you have me hooked on your chocolate cacao – dammit that’s my raw food veggie crack and I can’t have enough of it, so you likely have me hooked. Damn you and your nutritiously tasty drink!
At least I’m blogging. These do appear to be actual words with some thoughts. Maybe I’m improving by just doing things I do. Oh, yeah that’s what the doctors were saying. OK cool. Its funny for me to have doctors and I do know why. But enough digressing.
In fact, you know what … considering not only my urgency in addressing a mission critical situation, but that I’ve set a goal deadline with doctors to have things rocking more before the 4th of July … and knowing I’ve held myself accountable at least a couple times trying the 100 days that perhaps there’s a new mission calling … what is it? I can hear it now … yes indeed … The 60 days.
I need to detox. My body and brain need a break. The disrespect I’d experienced by rogue pretexting HR folks was sadistic torture that’s again left my phones silenced. Going to reflect today on not only my self but also some better telephony and e-communications boundaries. There’s a tool I’d read about called sanebox I’ve been meaning to try and for phones I can certainly work on some calling groups to better manage who can get through as I’ve kept out more good calls than blocked bad ones to be honest. And as far as detox – damn that can’t take up more than 10% of this start time so that will be a 6 day detox. Do I hear info-product? LOL
The best part is my plans may not be perfect but they’re plans. Too many people sit in their own shit for too long and don’t take action towards resulting goal attainment. I can’t be one of those lazy ass slug sitting carcass motherfuckers, I just can’t. And if I don’t like how I feel then dammit I need to feel some things I like. Hey I like that. For tomorrow may rain so, I’ll follow my plan. Yeah that didn’t rhyme like the Beatles song lyric starting that sentence, but maybe just maybe that attempt to do so is some type of rudimentary way for my mind to attempt to rebuild neurons and … oh shit over-thinking that’s just neuroticism LOL time to relax. Yes time to relax. Time to … yeah some lyric starts with that too but it escapes me. Fuck. OK no more freaking out.
If I were a therapist I would recommend women and beer to me for at least a worthwhile method of mental improvement but that’s just me. And I’ve usually got some really cool ideas. That’s been my best one maybe in like a month so while there’s still some sunshine I’m going to will these gifts of life to find their way towards me. Dear women reading this, please bring me some really great pale ale.
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. I’ll find it somewhere…
Fuck it. Blog itching me … X-posting on The 60 Days!